"Immortal gods, I crave no pelf;
I pray for no man but myself:
Grant I may never prove so fond,
To trust man on his oath or bond;
Or a harlot, for her weeping;
Or a dog, that seems a-sleeping:
Or a keeper with my freedom;
Or my friends, if I should need 'em.
Timon Of Athens I-ii. W.Shakespeare
Collaborating in Silence
I found the information about the HIV=AIDS scam by accident. Stayed up two days reading and seeing all I could get my hands on. Then slept about twenty hours. I got up and took all my medication from its hiding place in the bathroom and placed it all on the sitting-room table, so it was visible. I took a conscious decision no to take them anymore.
I repeated the same routine every morning and after a month than I threw all the medication pill by pill in the toilet and pulled the chain and never looked back.
For me it had sunk well in that HIV was not the cause of AIDS, and that my diagnosis fifteen years ago was due probably to taking the test a week after one of the strongest bouts of flu I have ever had in my adult life. It had to be treated with two weeks of antibiotics. At that period in my life I had started taking recreational drugs too, mostly ecstasy or LSD, plus some steroids that same year too to look like the perfect muscle boy. I was living the gay life to the full in London. So I have no doubt about what could have been the extra toxicity in my blood if that’s what that so called HIV test detects, and also what was the real cause of any illnesses I could have had over the years, which were few. I accept that drugs were always the cause.
I worked it out myself. I don’t ask anyone any questions as I know what caused what and why, once I had decided to be honest with myself. I realized that any question I ask was like trying to pass the buck, trying to get someone else to take responsibility for me and my decisions, so I decided not to do that but work it out myself. It’s not that difficult really.
I sat on it for a while longer and studied more material, and even though I felt a strong need to share this information I didn’t immediately. What I went on to find out when I did start sharing it would turn into the biggest eye-opener ever. Even more so than finding the information that HIV=AIDS is a total construct.
There are three types of people that don’t know about the HIV=AIDS lie. Here they are in order of importance:
1- Those who do not know.
2- Those who don’t want to know.
3- Those who for various reasons cannot know.
I think it’s fair to say that the whole of the western world goes into the first two categories. The third world would take up the third option, though not exclusively.
What is the surprise here?
Of all the people I told and gave information to, all of who were friend, some HIV+, were all people I knew well. The surprise was from the start one of shock, but not because of the fact they had been lied to, no. It was because they thought I had lost my mind. One even blamed it on the fact that I had stopped taking my medication, the famous “cocktail”, as if it were my daily Margarita. Oh don’t say that about HIV, a lot of people have died you know!Exclaimed another; like I had insulted his mother. He even boasted he had a friend that works in a lab and handles the HIV virus daily, and what did I mean it did not exist if his friend was working with the virus itself? Another friend just referred me to an article he wrote some time before for a Left Wing group, where, to sum up, he just said that AIDS Dissidence was just not the right thing to even look into for any self respecting left-winger, and he never spoke to me again. Later I found out that one of his jobs is to hand out condoms to transsexuals. Which is very commendable in my view if it were being done as part of a real STD program, in which case we would have to argue that there is no proof yet that AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease. He obviously received public grants for his labor making him another number living to some extent form the whole circus. I realized that there are many people with varying levels of interest here. My HIV doctor over the last fifteen years is also a close personal friend. I have avoided speaking with him, as I am not sure what I feel on that one yet, but feelings of "betrayal" come in strong as he is no ordinary local GP but a top-notch specialist in this field.
The rest of my friends just kept silent.
I decided to let it rest for about eight months more.
Again, about a month or so ago I put all the information up again overnight on my blog and on MySpace, in the hope that people would see the information and maybe read it, or see one of the documentaries. I slowly started to sense something very disturbing, much more disturbing than being diagnosed and given a death sentence for fifteen years, more shameful than being infected with a sexually transmitted virus, much more deadly than any disease I could develop. This was much worse.
Suddenly I saw how something like the HIV=AIDS lie could happen.
I saw how all "collaborate" with it.
Suddenly everyone seems to "need" AIDS.
The vast majority cite fear as an excuse for silence and collaborate that way. They are the most numerous, they make up the majority, so their opinion is a strong factor en provoking debate on this issue. They refuse to know, hence they refuse to speak. Fear is not credible in their case as they are the largest and most powerful group, their strength is evident.
Within the gay community everyone goes insane when you bring this up. You are made to feel like you are commiting "high treason", a "sacrilege" or something like that. You can count on being confronted on many levels more. It is very weird to say the least. But you can feel the controlled angry silence. It feels like you are taking something away that is fundamental to the cohesion of the community. The funniest part of all of this is that here too, the vast majority are HIV-. I can’t work out what it is they seem to “need” from this whole circus of viral sickness. What are they protecting? Again, here the sense of "need" is coupled with an even deeper sense of "reverence" for the whole HIV=AIDS set-up, like it were a "church" or a "religion". Much like the Roman Catholic reverence and awe for death and suffering. You are made to feel like you are some kind of gay Christ-like figure getting your nipples pierced with a lance whilst hanging on a cross dressed in leather, suffering, so all the rest of the brothers and sisters can have their sisn washed away through your suffering and death.
This is very bizarrre.
The result of the experiment was that now among my friends I consider the balance to have tipped completely. The majority have passed form “did not know” to “didn’t want to know” and the majority sight fear, reverence for the official version, indifference and general lack of interest. They express themselves in a tense silence ,or you can feel it through the constant stream of short messages that come in to My Space commending my choice of musical clips that I am known for posting from time to time.
Subtext being: Drop the AIDS thing. Please!!
So I am forced to ask myself: Why should I care about them? Why should I care about those that still think that taking all kinds of drugs illicit and licit on a regular basis does not have its effects on the immune system? Why should I care if they want to blame it on a virus and not cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine, crystal, GHB and poppers (just to mention the regular intakes on a massive scale of mundane substances), also add in the analgesics, anti-inflammatory drugs, medication for stomach problems antibiotics and vast quantities of Prozac to deal with the after effects, plus the steroids you inject midweek to look good again then next weekend, and the Viagra to get hard when you want to fuck? I know because I have covered all of that in some way or another. Thay are the demands that go with our urban gay lifstyle. I have no doubt that if I did that on a regular scale I would be a very sick person. The Chemotherapy pills called the cocktail then do the rest. I am not going down that road any more.
What is so amazing is that I have decided to opt for life and declared it, and everyone around me just went silent.
Apparently because of fear.
We live in a community where choosing to "live" provokes "fear".
No wonder its all so "taboo"!
Or is it "Voodoo"?
“Apart form the general ignorance, I was surprised and saddened by the total lack of importance this issue carried for all the people I have told. Some listened to me very attentively and were very surprised even shocked, but they never brought the subject up again. They don’t seem to care that this is not just a question of life and death but one of millions of lives and deaths. They may all be family, friends or people I just know, still I cannot help but feel that they are collaborating with this through their silence.”
I will keep posting the music tracks as I did before and I hope you all enjoy them. Enjoy Dusty and enjoy Donna and Babs, The Drifters, Mina, Sandie Shaw and Jackie Wilson and Tom Jones. But most of all...
And enjoy the dance...